Thoughts after a year in relationship
Hello people!
just ended one of the bad paper that i really did tried to study harder for. ok mayb not as hard as i am supposed to but i tried. I realised i used to be very upset over an exam that i hope that i can do well but i didnt. But this time, i was pretty kan kai about it. Not in the sense that i didnt think i should study harder, but if it was the old me, i would have cried in my room. Not sure if i start to realise that results isnt everything of my life and there are many more things worth contenting over, not simply just because i know that eventually how much effort you put in implies how much results you get. Mayb just afterall, i start to realise nothing is the end.
whatever is the case, i am really supposed to be studying for forensic, one of my favourite module this sem. ok fine. my only fav module this sem not 'one of''. Sometimes i wondered why i came in bioengineering. I rmb i once saw theresa said on insta she guess she doesnt mind being a bioengineer for now. Well, i must really say i cannot forsee myself doing any of the stuff related to what i am studying now. I rmb i came in bioengineer because i had wanted to further studies forensic masters overseas to be a forensic scientist. Yet, so much change after one and a half year in uni. In fact, the current forensic mod made me think twice if i am really prepared to be a forensic scientist or isit i was just charmed by all the police shows i had watched in the past.
Anw, so i felt like i needed a rest after my upsetting paper (which was just an excuse to nua before i start studying again), i spent the time stalking random people LOL. Its one of my fav pasttime, like really random random people whom i dont even know. And i am here because i realise it has been a long time since i last stalk my stupid pui ex. ok this sounds so bad but i must admit that when i was first attached to my stupid pui, i wanted to know so much about his past relationships. In fact, i read most posts (ok fine its from the first post to the last) of his ex blog. I wasnt sure why was i so curious, perhaps it just my ba gua nature since i like to stalk random people so much, or perhaps i wanted to know more about him, or simple perhaps, i was just concern why did they broke up what happened.
But whatever the case, i read her blog almost everyday when i am bored. like seriously. mayb i was feeling insecure that my first relationship, or mayb i just an overly attached girlfriend HAHA. speaking of this, stupid pui felt i wasnt sticky AT ALL when we first attached, i must say i am pretty proud because i am cool like that. LOL.(though i am certain my inner me wasnt as cool :O) Anw back to topic, so i was pretty much affected by every single post on her blog because i felt sad for her, i felt that every blog post was talking about my stupid pui (even after they werent tog) and i felt like i was a bad person. i mean not that i broke them up or what, but its just that i felt sad for a girl who liked him so much. reading her blog was kind of like an addiction to me, a revenue for me to know what happened in their relationship. Somehow mayb there was a part of me wanting to make my relationship not any bit like theirs, which is kind of bad because sometimes when i felt like doing something, i just didnt because i knew she did it. Its a weird mentality which i dunno isit just me.
As life goes on, fast forward a year later, today i realise i wasnt interested in her blog anymore. i wasnt interested in how their part relationship went. Probably because the past yr with my stupid pui felt just like i was in a happy bubble and i couldnt just careless about what happened in the past. I no longer tried to stop myself from doing whatever was similar to what happened last time and i no longer rmb much about what happened last time. I was no longer concern what were the similarities and differences because i am just happy when my stupid pui is. (just for info when i went back to read her blog today, i realise alot of her post was talking about this another guy who she was almost attached-or attached? to. lolol what has it got to do with any of us right.. sorry my ba gua nature hahah)
It feels like i had really grown after a year of relationship though i must say there is still alot things to learn. i am still ever so glad i met my stupid pui who isnt restive to ans me when i ask questions, who isnt angry when i was just being stupid, who just love me for the way i am and as much as i could ever ask for. (i still think i love you more hahahah bleah :P)
Sometimes life really isnt about black and white, and isnt about fair or not. Even i first got attached, i kept wondering if i made the correct decision, if my relationship will last, if whatever i do for him is too much or too little. i was just too cautions because its afterall my first relationship LEHHH. After a year, i was just compelled to do tons of stuff for him, and seeing his smile was the best part of my everyday. I no longer ji jiao over who do more for each other (because he certainly win me hands down and i must not lose HAHAH KIDDING).
Even though i really dunno what will happen in the future because nobody can guarantee what will happen right. But as i heard form Drop Dead Diva "its always better to regret something you did than something you didnt"
Applied to studying too! Its like you wont know if you will do well or not, but just study hard and whatever happens will happen.
:)
ps: random pictures inserted because my post is so wordy hahah.
Day 22: Share something cute. (A story, something either of you have done, a song, memory, wish, dream)
i share myself? i think i am cute enough HAHAHAHA! hmmmm before we were attached he told me he is at je and ask me if i wanted anything. then he tell me he got laoban. i remember it was the day before my first ever quiz in ntu which is chemistry (AND I GOT FULL MARKS JUST SAYING LOLOL) and to make topic i replied "wahh i also want". Even though tbh, i am not a big fan of laoban HAHAH OOPS. However, he had already left je, but he didnt tell me and just gave me his share. like i didnt even know its his share i thought he went to dabao. End up, after he gave me, i also didnt eat it and kept it in my fridge for almost a week HAHAH. stupid pui why nv say siaa.
on a side note, i think its pretty cute that the first thing we are going to do right after he landed at the airport is eat four fingers :D hahah shit i dunno what is so cute about it but i just need to share because i am so looking forward to it he he he
just ended one of the bad paper that i really did tried to study harder for. ok mayb not as hard as i am supposed to but i tried. I realised i used to be very upset over an exam that i hope that i can do well but i didnt. But this time, i was pretty kan kai about it. Not in the sense that i didnt think i should study harder, but if it was the old me, i would have cried in my room. Not sure if i start to realise that results isnt everything of my life and there are many more things worth contenting over, not simply just because i know that eventually how much effort you put in implies how much results you get. Mayb just afterall, i start to realise nothing is the end.
whatever is the case, i am really supposed to be studying for forensic, one of my favourite module this sem. ok fine. my only fav module this sem not 'one of''. Sometimes i wondered why i came in bioengineering. I rmb i once saw theresa said on insta she guess she doesnt mind being a bioengineer for now. Well, i must really say i cannot forsee myself doing any of the stuff related to what i am studying now. I rmb i came in bioengineer because i had wanted to further studies forensic masters overseas to be a forensic scientist. Yet, so much change after one and a half year in uni. In fact, the current forensic mod made me think twice if i am really prepared to be a forensic scientist or isit i was just charmed by all the police shows i had watched in the past.
Anw, so i felt like i needed a rest after my upsetting paper (which was just an excuse to nua before i start studying again), i spent the time stalking random people LOL. Its one of my fav pasttime, like really random random people whom i dont even know. And i am here because i realise it has been a long time since i last stalk my stupid pui ex. ok this sounds so bad but i must admit that when i was first attached to my stupid pui, i wanted to know so much about his past relationships. In fact, i read most posts (ok fine its from the first post to the last) of his ex blog. I wasnt sure why was i so curious, perhaps it just my ba gua nature since i like to stalk random people so much, or perhaps i wanted to know more about him, or simple perhaps, i was just concern why did they broke up what happened.
But whatever the case, i read her blog almost everyday when i am bored. like seriously. mayb i was feeling insecure that my first relationship, or mayb i just an overly attached girlfriend HAHA. speaking of this, stupid pui felt i wasnt sticky AT ALL when we first attached, i must say i am pretty proud because i am cool like that. LOL.(though i am certain my inner me wasnt as cool :O) Anw back to topic, so i was pretty much affected by every single post on her blog because i felt sad for her, i felt that every blog post was talking about my stupid pui (even after they werent tog) and i felt like i was a bad person. i mean not that i broke them up or what, but its just that i felt sad for a girl who liked him so much. reading her blog was kind of like an addiction to me, a revenue for me to know what happened in their relationship. Somehow mayb there was a part of me wanting to make my relationship not any bit like theirs, which is kind of bad because sometimes when i felt like doing something, i just didnt because i knew she did it. Its a weird mentality which i dunno isit just me.
As life goes on, fast forward a year later, today i realise i wasnt interested in her blog anymore. i wasnt interested in how their part relationship went. Probably because the past yr with my stupid pui felt just like i was in a happy bubble and i couldnt just careless about what happened in the past. I no longer tried to stop myself from doing whatever was similar to what happened last time and i no longer rmb much about what happened last time. I was no longer concern what were the similarities and differences because i am just happy when my stupid pui is. (just for info when i went back to read her blog today, i realise alot of her post was talking about this another guy who she was almost attached-or attached? to. lolol what has it got to do with any of us right.. sorry my ba gua nature hahah)
It feels like i had really grown after a year of relationship though i must say there is still alot things to learn. i am still ever so glad i met my stupid pui who isnt restive to ans me when i ask questions, who isnt angry when i was just being stupid, who just love me for the way i am and as much as i could ever ask for. (i still think i love you more hahahah bleah :P)
Sometimes life really isnt about black and white, and isnt about fair or not. Even i first got attached, i kept wondering if i made the correct decision, if my relationship will last, if whatever i do for him is too much or too little. i was just too cautions because its afterall my first relationship LEHHH. After a year, i was just compelled to do tons of stuff for him, and seeing his smile was the best part of my everyday. I no longer ji jiao over who do more for each other (because he certainly win me hands down and i must not lose HAHAH KIDDING).
Even though i really dunno what will happen in the future because nobody can guarantee what will happen right. But as i heard form Drop Dead Diva "its always better to regret something you did than something you didnt"
Applied to studying too! Its like you wont know if you will do well or not, but just study hard and whatever happens will happen.
:)
ps: random pictures inserted because my post is so wordy hahah.
Day 22: Share something cute. (A story, something either of you have done, a song, memory, wish, dream)
i share myself? i think i am cute enough HAHAHAHA! hmmmm before we were attached he told me he is at je and ask me if i wanted anything. then he tell me he got laoban. i remember it was the day before my first ever quiz in ntu which is chemistry (AND I GOT FULL MARKS JUST SAYING LOLOL) and to make topic i replied "wahh i also want". Even though tbh, i am not a big fan of laoban HAHAH OOPS. However, he had already left je, but he didnt tell me and just gave me his share. like i didnt even know its his share i thought he went to dabao. End up, after he gave me, i also didnt eat it and kept it in my fridge for almost a week HAHAH. stupid pui why nv say siaa.
on a side note, i think its pretty cute that the first thing we are going to do right after he landed at the airport is eat four fingers :D hahah shit i dunno what is so cute about it but i just need to share because i am so looking forward to it he he he
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