Hello all.. its 3.09am now and I am suppose to be preparing to sleep.
tmr.. okay today I new year eve, but somehow I just dun hav the 'holiday' feel. like I was looking forward to chirstmas and I got the joyous and 'its public holiday' feel. However, somehow, new year eve seems like just another day to me. I dunno is it because I am so busy everyday that my life is so routine that everyday seems the same to me or what.
anw I am here cos I was reading some random stuff and I realised that me last year and the me this year has changed alot, alot. I am not just referring to the environment, but I am talking about my behaviour and mindset.
I used to really hate vulgarities like I judge ppl who use them, but nowdays I am more and more accustomed to them that sometimes I just silently scold them in my heart.
I used to be the good girl who shares with my mum every single things (ok well almost) that happened in my life, but now I am the girl who lies and is almost seldom at home. It wasn't just guilt that engulfed me but also disappointment in myself. I gives excuses for my lying or my untold stories but deep down I know that all are because of the sudden freedom and wanting to maintain the perfect daughter in my parent's heart. The question is, am I still one?
I used to accept everyone and not be judgemental, but I am becoming more and more judgemental and easily swayed by others opinions of others. Sometimes, I hav discussion about some people with others, to put it simply, I complain and bitch.
To be honest, I myself can sense the negative change in me that sometimes I just wondered how did I became who am I today. I missed the old nice girl me but part of me didn't want to change as its too much of an effort. although there is like a small part of me disliking the me today. I am not saying its bad or what but its just sometimes I reflects and guilt hits me.. like today :\
tmr.. okay today I new year eve, but somehow I just dun hav the 'holiday' feel. like I was looking forward to chirstmas and I got the joyous and 'its public holiday' feel. However, somehow, new year eve seems like just another day to me. I dunno is it because I am so busy everyday that my life is so routine that everyday seems the same to me or what.
anw I am here cos I was reading some random stuff and I realised that me last year and the me this year has changed alot, alot. I am not just referring to the environment, but I am talking about my behaviour and mindset.
I used to really hate vulgarities like I judge ppl who use them, but nowdays I am more and more accustomed to them that sometimes I just silently scold them in my heart.
I used to be the good girl who shares with my mum every single things (ok well almost) that happened in my life, but now I am the girl who lies and is almost seldom at home. It wasn't just guilt that engulfed me but also disappointment in myself. I gives excuses for my lying or my untold stories but deep down I know that all are because of the sudden freedom and wanting to maintain the perfect daughter in my parent's heart. The question is, am I still one?
I used to accept everyone and not be judgemental, but I am becoming more and more judgemental and easily swayed by others opinions of others. Sometimes, I hav discussion about some people with others, to put it simply, I complain and bitch.
To be honest, I myself can sense the negative change in me that sometimes I just wondered how did I became who am I today. I missed the old nice girl me but part of me didn't want to change as its too much of an effort. although there is like a small part of me disliking the me today. I am not saying its bad or what but its just sometimes I reflects and guilt hits me.. like today :\
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