hello all :)

suddenly tempted to blog though I dunno what to blog about. or rather. I have a million things to say to share but dunno if I should express it here. well, I know its my blog to begin with but it just feels weird if i share my most most true-est feeling here if  there is even such a word. lol.

i am someone not capable of telling others how i really really feel. its especially so if you want me to admit that you are really nice really good or that i really really appreciate you as a friend, i cant. i cant bring myself to say overly mushy stuff be it you are my friends family or someone i like. to type it out, write it down or so mayb i can.  but to ask me to say it in your face, i cant. lol. tbh i think even typing out of writing down its also abit weird to me. mayb that's why its hard for ppl to understand me thoroughly because i am not exactly expressive. i feel a lot, but i express very little. well at least i think so? hahas.

i guess i am a little weird because part of me wanted ppl to read and visit my blog. but part of me feels awkward if i am sharing too much on my blog and you are someone i know who is reading my blog. not that i know any now but sometimes i just think i little too much. i think a little too much to a lot of stuff that it kind of restricts me to do what i really wanted.  hmm. take this blog for an example. tbh, i am sharing what i feel that i can share rather than what i really wanted to share. this is simply cos i dunno who is reading my blog. so if you are someone whom i know and reading my blog, pls dun let me know. it will only makes me censor more stuff lol. like i said, it boils down to me feeling weird that others are knowing so much how you feel about them.

Been thinking about a lot of stuff esp ytd. everytime i thought about this issue, its get very jiu jie for me that the rational part of me tells me to just stop thinking and focus on studies. ofcourse, the emotional part of me win hands down to the rational part and hence i jiu jie over the same issue everytime i am not doing anything. i sounds like some sec sch kiddo now who cant judge what is impt and what is not so at this point of time. esp when i have quiz upcoming one after another.

你问我为什么喜欢?喜欢你给我的安全感。从来没有觉得这么安全过。 喜欢在你怀里的感觉,让我依依不舍。是那莫一天,我突然想起你,才让我发现,我好像有那么一点喜欢上你。以前的我只会懂得为别人:怎么才知道你是否喜欢一个人?从来也没有预料过我会想念一个我即陌生又熟悉的人。坦白说,对我好的人有很多,但让我心动的, 你是第一个。看戏时想像中希望会存在的浪漫,在面对你时,一切都变得不重要。要说为什么喜欢,我可以给你一百个理由。但所有的理由,都出于两个字 -- 感觉。理性的我,跟你一样,问我自己了解你多少?这也是为什么,当人家问我介意当你妹妹的时候,我会回答:真的不介意。有人告诉我,有感觉就好,乘年轻,去尝试。不理智的我,真的很想这么做。但不够勇敢的我,因为彼此的不了解,又不敢去尝试。。
想了一阵天,还是十分纠结。现在的我,什么都不想想了,只想专心读书,一切等考完试再说吧。。。

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